In my article “Art Journaling: Tips to Fun and Therapeutic Sessions“, I talked about how I grew up journaling almost daily and consistently. And how that helped establish positive habits and improve my mental health, as well as my creativity in the long run. However, little did I know, that one day, I will go on a whole month without journaling and not even notice that. This is why I quit journaling for a month and what I learned from it all.
Why did I quit journaling?
To begin with, my plan wasn’t really to quit journaling. But it happened. I no longer felt the ability to express myself in words. And I know what you’re thinking, I could’ve art journaled. But I didn’t find it in me either. The process of looking through pictures, coming up with illustrations, or doing anything at all to discuss how I was feeling with myself felt like a chore. I was feeling fine the way I was.
My initial thought: I might’ve experienced a heightened stream of emotions that I was no longer able to go through it.
Days went by and I just didn’t feel the need or the desire to journal. I didn’t necessarily overthink or process my emotions in my head either. I was just perceiving things in a state of input. Getting things inside my head without having the need to reprocess and output.
Everything about that month was weird. I didn’t react like I usually would. And I didn’t care enough about the things I cared about before. But, I felt myself in a new way.
Was it good that I quit journaling?
It was good that for once, I didn’t care what is good. I knew for years that journaling is really great for my mental health. It is also phenomenal for me to keep track of my patterns, my progress, my falls, and everything in between. But I accept not having to keep myself in check. And to just let go of being too strict with myself.
What changed? and why I think journaling no longer works for me.
- When I was young, I journaled daily. I wrote my thoughts as randomly as they looked in my mind. As an adult, I started blogging. Everything changed when I did. In the past, no one cared about the words I write, and that felt protective and safe. Nowadays, thousands of people are reading my thoughts and my words. My friends do, my family members do, strangers online, people who know nothing about me. And although it often makes me feel naked, if nobody reads what I write, I’d probably be offended lol.
- How I think and how I write now have both secret haters and fans. They never interact digitally but recently a friend of mine (who I thought never cared about my blog posts), told me: ‘That article you published about the importance of practicing creative hobbies back in October really helped me’. What?! Amazing. And then I instantly thought, there must be people who read my posts and think: “Wow! Absolute nonsense” and that is fair. This whole process is making me more anxious about my thoughts and how I translate them into words.
- I guess I have exhausted all my thoughts in articles that I have no words left for my journal.
- I believe that I am falling into new habits and patterns. I am a different person with a different vision of the world. And for me to process my new way of seeing things, and to achieve different outcomes, I will need to live my days differently until it all falls back into place.
- I no longer take decision-making as seriously. In the past, especially in my early twenties, nothing made sense, everything required me to interfere for it to happen. Today, I don’t have to make monumental decisions with the kind of frequency I did in my youth. I am building and maintaining more than choosing or starting things from scratch. And even when I am about to start something, I guess I have my formula. And the rest is for God to handle.
- I may be delusional. But I believe that I become so much better at managing my emotions. Looking back through my journals, most of my entries were about being stressed out, confused, in a state of self-blame, or blaming others. Nowadays, it is what it is. I am allowing myself a day to be stressed. Whatever is confusing now will make sense later. And I forgive myself for what I did and what I allowed to happen when I was young and didn’t know best. As for others, my boundaries are set and clear. No matter what you mean to me or what I feel towards you if it’s not serving my growth and my energy, we’re gonna have to go our separate ways.
- Lastly, I learned that if I speak up, and tell someone about it, done. It’s out of my head for good. I do not think about it anymore and it’s not living rent-free in my backburner consuming my battery for nothing. So, journaling about it is nothing but a waste of time.
Have I quit journaling once and for all?
No, and I would never. I still journal. And I still art journal. I love to make travel diary pages, and I love to write my thoughts, inspirations, things that go through my head and I especially love to plan my days and set goals for my years and months. I just no longer heal my thinking patterns through journaling. And although it may not mean that I have completely healed what stressed me out in the past, I just believe that there’s a different medium out there for me to discover and experiment with.
Don’t be afraid to change and find new things that work best for you in this life. And most importantly, no matter how things go, make sure to enjoy creating <3
