“Let’s do an art challenge before the year ends.”. It’ll be fun, said my friend, who recently started painting because of my influence. I stared into my phone as the room began to close in on me. I would love to join, but it’s been months since I have struggled to commit to art. And with my lack of commitment to art, I have found it harder to commit to other things.

“Okay, but I need to do this on my terms. I need to make it easy for myself to achieve, like stupidly easy. Otherwise, I won’t do it; I’ll get overwhelmed, and the brain fog will drive me to freeze.”. My mind flashed to the pile of unfinished projects that were already waiting for me.

What does it mean to commit to art?

To me, committing to my art has always meant showing up, creating on a consistent schedule, and keeping an open and receptive spirit toward everything art-related. In my article on how I land opportunities as an artist, I say that I do not reject the opportunities that lie in front of me, even with an office job. But lately, it has been extremely hard to do that. Not because of my job, but because of my mental health and how complicated it is for my mind to focus and manage different loads at the same time. The only little habit I’m hanging on too tight is the fact that I am observing the world around me the same way I did when I was creating and making art on a consistent schedule. I am offering myself the time I need to heal and get back to creating without letting go of: attention to detail, analysis, noticing inspiration when it comes, and most importantly, saying no to the things that would consume my time while having little or no impact on my persona, art, and career.

commit to art
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Fear of Commitment

I made the mistake of cluttering my schedule two years ago. And luckily, I survived the mess while committing to and meeting my expectations for every one of the projects I had going on simultaneously. But little did I know, the effect of the cumulated stress had yet to manifest its way through my life. I felt the fragility I developed and promised myself to avoid making the same mistake twice.

Today, I am again in a very tight spot, with so many things going on and little control over them all. And now what I feel is an absence of my desire to create, as I am not willing to hold tighter or try to meet my expectations. It has all turned into survival mode and fear of commitment.

I do want to create. And I do have project ideas that excite me and drive me to sit down and make art. However, I cannot get over the deeply rooted-fear that I will not be able to keep going. And that I will eventually feel suffocated and find myself wanting to give up again.

What can I do to get myself to commit to my art again?

For once, allow me to say that I don’t know. I am writing this article to share and process my thoughts. Not to suggest solutions to myself or others.

I have felt helpless in many moments of my career as an artist, but it never stemmed from fear. I have experienced art blocks, decision fatigue, art identity crisis, feeling stagnant, burnout, and more. But facing fear and getting over it is a new challenge that I hope to figure out and write about in the future. But for the time being, I am experiencing it and sitting with it with the hope of finding peace within me and during the process.

Conclusion

What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever experienced a similar struggle as an artist? Enjoy creating <3